3 Conflict Resolution Lessons We Can Learn From Kanye West
You may be thinking, what in the holy world does Kanye have to do with Biblical marital tips. Hear me out now because we can all relate. Within this infamous thirteen minute rant, although riddled with repetitions of "bro" and expletives, you'll find mismanaged expressions of pain, hurt and disappointment. As believers in this fallen world, we are not exempt from pain. However, we need to express our pain in ways that are constructive, respectful, effective and leading to reconciliation. This piece is not intended to condemn Kanye and the manner in which he decided to express himself, but to provide teachable lessons that we can use to navigate conflicts for the glory of God.
1. KEEP PRIVATE MATTERS PRIVATE
Sharing is not caring in this instance. Everybody and their mother does not need to know the intricacies of your marriage, especially marital discord. Don't take to social media or to your girlfriends and disclose information that is only intended for you, your husband and trusted (MUTUAL) advisors. Trust me, I get it. In our frustration, it can be so easy for us to seek comfort or validation from others. Resist the urge to mindlessly vent. It may temporarily alleviate, however the long term effects of your spouse's reputation may be irreparable. If you have a problem with your spouse, pray, seek counsel and respectfully communicate with your spouse.
2. BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS
God gave us emotions, however they should never dictate or navigate our moods and responses. In order to gain control of our emotions, we must clearly identify why we feel the way we do. There are healthy and effective ways to process and express how we feel. Be committed to thinking through and not simply reacting. Replace negative emotions and thoughts with positive ones.
3. REMOVE UNSPOKEN EXPECTATIONS
Most of us are unaware of the expectations we carry around with us. Unmet expectations are perhaps at the center of many of our marital conflicts, and that just shouldn't be. Let's speak logically here for a sec: your husband can't read your mind, yet you condemn him regarding something that was never communicated. (#DatAintRight) Speculations and assumptions are never fruitful towards peace and reconciliation. And simply, they are unfair. Besides, you're not the Holy Spirit, so you will never know your husband's true motives. (Shade intended) We must take ownership of OUR emotions, no one else can do that for us. Ask God for the ability to recognize seeds that may have been planted that are contrary to reality and His Word. Make this a motto for your marriage: if it is not communicated, it does not exist.
If you haven't notice, unfortunately your spouse will fail you. Their actions and words will be the source of pain, anger and heartache. As a result, we must constantly reacquaint ourselves with forgiveness. We have to make that decision before our heart is ready to agree. Take ownership of what you can and give your spouse the space to fix an offense.
Let me know which lesson are you struggling to apply? What tips can you share, if you have mastered these lessons?