5 Ways To Resolve Your Money Fights
In this life, relationally we are certainly prone to conflicts. Especially within the intimacy of marriage. Studies have shown that the top marital fights center around money and I can certainly understand how. While there are many variables, money tends to represent the lack or abundance of perceived power and control. Money and relationship experts have stated that financial fights are more prevalent than disagreements over children, religion and sex. Whether you’re newly engaged or happily married, being on the same financial page will prove to help dismantle our common marital woes. If you’re already married, are you tired, frustrated with all the money fights? Use this article to guide, refresh and foster an environment for new beginnings. There is hope! Aim for progression. Prayerfully consider these 5 money matters to be in agreement with so that you reduce and eliminate money fights for good.
Agree to Remove Expectations
Whether we admit it or not, we tend to come into our marriages expecting our husband to do A, B and C. Unexpressed expectations are extremely dangerous to a thriving relationship. If unchecked, it can lead to a breakdown of communication, anger and resentment. Financially speaking, that may mean you expect him to pay all the major expenses, or allow you to be a stay at home wife. To remedy and remove expectations, list out your expectations and determine which are unrealistic for one another. Be sure to communicate and develop financial structure and boundaries that works best for both.
Agree In Common goals
Now that you've removed expectations, you must discuss and establish goals as a family. You've heard it said before: "A goal without a plan, is a wish", yet in our marriages we find ourselves disconnected with no purpose for our money. Decide what are your money goals as a family. What does life look like five years from now. How about ten years? Does one spouse want to further their education, invest in a business, max out their 401K contributions. These objectives should be reviewed quarterly or whatever frequency works best for you.
Agree That We Are A Team
You've crafted a financial mission plan as a family unit, now you must decide to execute TOGETHER. If you desire to live completely debt free, hubby needs to be on board. Conversely if your husband has a money goal, you must agree and execute as a team player. A house divided cannot stand. Be of one accord with a plan and execute. Teamwork makes the plan work!
Agree That Yours Is Mine
While I’m an advocate for joint accounts in addition to individual “fun money” separate accounts, is not my decision to make on your behalf. Decide whether you’ll have one shared account or separate accounts. If you are apprehensive to combining finances, be sure to ease into the whole “our money” ideology. I can totally empathize with your stance. It is quite difficult to trust someone with consistent reckless and irresponsible habits, with money management. But how can you trust your husband with your heart and life and not your bank account? (side eye emphasis). Resist the urge to arrogantly exert your strength in certain areas leaving your husband tempting to feel inadequate and less than.
Agree To Live Within A Budget
Budgeting may seem tedious and time consuming, but NOT having one will have you wasting time in the long run. Agree on paper, on purpose to your financial plan. While you may excel administratively in this area, do not dismiss your husband’s input, concern and skills. Maximize each other’s skills but more importantly, work as the team you are. Disclaimer: I do understand that some of you may have been hurt or disappointed by a spouse who was historically irresponsible with money. As a result you may be tempted not to trust. Prayerfully considered seeking out a qualified counselor to help regain trust.
Unfortunately I will never be able to guarantee a conflict free marriage surrounding the area of money, however these five issues may certainly help lay a solid foundation for you to stand on, coupled with God. This is precisely why I wrote Make Your Money One: The 21-Day Devotional To A Unified Money Mindset. As co-heirs and stewards of God's money, seek unity and wisdom to manage what God has blessed your family with. Give each other the grace to continually grow individually and financially.